Random thoughts No.1 (I need Victory Weekend)
Haven’t really gone through healing in all parts of me. This is also one of my first attempt at prose. I haven’t organized the whole message reasonably, but here it is. It’s a long time before I get to write something personal on poetry. I hope I don’t get too dark for anyone’s taste. No offense to anyone, I am just sorting out my past. Ian B.
The voices that accuse come from the wretchedness
of causing pain to a brother you actually love and care for
The gnawing emptiness and helplessness of fighting for
the love you had and you know you deserved
But turned away due to a younger sibling – a need and reality.
Abandoned and lost – forever undeserving and always feeling afraid.
Shackles of bondage of lies, made permanent by habitual emotions
Yearning for the light of hope to break free.
Lost in a quest to earning a favor
you firmly believe shall never be given to you.
So red is drawn on the heart.
Anger to change the bleak reality of loss.
Afflicting pain on those you love.
Becoming more selfish in demanding a quenching for the unbearable torment.
Those who care for you are lashed.
The constant striving to be affirmed.
Yet my anger invites bitter judgement.
Bitter judgement against myself.
Guilt eats flesh until it frees your bones
Hope lingers. I wait.
Until truth will be revealed.
Knowledge leads me to the gate.
There I wait. . . . . .
Thank you God for sending me mentors to help me see myself in a new light. It takes one to show one. Thank you brother!