Archian Speaks about Life & Relationships

Life, Business & finding the Father

Top 12 Things to Feel Bad on Christmas

Archian - Life, Bacolod, Architecture, Finances & Dubai

Top 12 Things to Feel Bad on Christmas

I was studying about the Bible’s take on emotions of joy and sadness when I chance upon my cousin Joan. Our discussion covered Christian holidays and eventually . . . Christmas.

Our talked dragged on. She told me that she stopped celebrating Christmas 4 years ago. Not celebrating Christmas is a tricky thing. [more] There are two ways you could look: you can be a mystical person holding a “Be saved. Rapture is near.” sign or you could be borderline totally insane. Everyone should love Christmas. In order to not celebrate Christmas, you need to have strong personal beliefs and reasons why you do it. Else people will brand you as the grinch.

In short, why do she not celebrate Christmas?

So before I answer this questions, let me give you 12 things to feel bad about on Christmas.

  1. The pressure to buy gifts you don’t want to buy to give to people because you have to give them gifts.
  2. From Jan Jeff: The extra lbs/kgs that you will gain – pero masaya naman i burn lang ulit through exercise 🙂
  3. The pictures of your friends that look happy on social media while you haven’t reconciled with your with your family for a decade. Plus the stress because you feel the need to reconcile.
  4. The office skipped you for the nth time on your promotion while the new hire gets a raise after a few months
  5. From my cousin: Maxing out your credit cards. And very excited to start the next year with huge debt!
  6. The reality that you are still single (that’s me) and you don’t have someone to kiss for Christmas and New Year.
  7. Your neighbor or peers took a vacation this year that you really want and you work harder than. . . .
  8. You can’t afford the gadgets and doodads you want to give yourself this year.
  9. Someone had an accident, died or business was bad for you this year. Or you are not with someone you love. 😦
  10. Your company didn’t give you as much bonus pay than you expected.

11. Still missing

12. Still missing

Maybe you could add what will make you feel bad this coming Christmas!

Please note that these things are the same things you feel bad at any part of the year. The gigantic reason it feels worse is that you, yes you, have the expectation that great things should happen.

In short, you have expectations that it should be better. Only because it’s Christmas. (Valid reason why)

Now your perfectly powerful brain figures out how to make your expectations real 24-7. Without rest.

I shared with my cousin Joan that every Christmas I feel deppressed and lonely. Especially that my birthday is on the first week of January and I have not yet accomplished the greatness I wanted since I was a kid. 😦

She said I am not alone. She feels the same way. Countless others like me are out there pushing to look happier than we actually are, give things we dont want to give and be nice to everyone. That’s not bad.

The sad thing was I thought I was the only one experiencing this. Like me, many people are not aware they are feeling deppressed.

So what are the 3 reasons people feel bad on Christmas? I already mentioned the first one.

  1. Expectations
  2. Lack of awareness
  3. Negative Traditional Baggage

The 3 Reasons why Christmas can Feel Bad

1. Expectations.

It is not the devil that causes the negative emotions. It is our expectations about it to be what it is not.

So how you you resolve this?

You tell yourself I want my Christmas to be. . . . and I am ok that it is not.

2. Lack of Awareness

The first step is to slow down. The second part is to see your emotions pull you around. Ouch please stop it envy! Stop it.

Being dragged around by your evil overlord emotions is a nasty thing. Especially if you don’t know it so start watching your emotions.

The third is something deeper and spiritual.

3. Negative Traditional Baggage

Much of the world has been taught that Christmas marks the birth of the savior, Jesus Christ. A long time ago people celebrated Christmas and Halloween very differently. The two most notable pagan winter holidays were Germanic Yule and Roman Saturnalia. When Emperor Theodosius decreed the empire wide celebration of Christ’s birth, he was trying to silence the tradition of Barbaric tribes winter solstice festivals. The result is Christmas with a lot of pine trees wreath and holly.

Halloween traditions originated from ancient Celtic harvest festivals like the Gaelic Samhain. It was Christianized as Halloween by the early Church.

What’s wrong with these pagan roots of Christmas?


Nothing except that for hundreds of years there is defilement of sin. Centuries of blood sacrifice and sexual perversion can have a strong influence on current time.

I’m not saying Christmas is pagan. Im just saying that although Jesus blood has definitely paid for the defilement of sin on the timeline, it continues to affect everyone on the winter solstice.

Take for example a child who was kidnapped and raised by a cruel man who hurt the child every Friday night. Then, after 2 years the child was rescued by police and returned to his real parents. Would you say that the child can sleep soundly when strangely he experiences stress and deep breaths at exactly the same time as Friday night?

A counselor can reprogram the child’s thoughts to release the negative memory on his timeline but only through deliberate psychiatric help.

If you are feeling deppressed this Christmas. Break free from the chains. Reflect on your emotions and change your expectations. Think about this: a gift given on Christmas eve is half as amazing as the same gift given at a random date. Worse if the person received a spectacular gift last year, he or she would feel disappointed no matter what you gave.

I could remember throwing tantrums always either before, on or after Christmas day. It might be my Spanish roots (Celtic? I don’t really know. I still feel sad on Christmas. I was not aware of this before. Now, I can do something about it.

Leave a comment

Secret Non-Believers Know about Christians

Archian - Life, Bacolod, Architecture, Finances & Dubai

Secret Non-Believers Know about Christians

A page from the book, The Briarpatch Gospel: Fearlessly Following Jesus into Thorny Places by Shayne Wheeler.

An excerpt from the book tells a story of modern day churches as it reaches out to non-church people. Enjoy.

Within hours, my high flying dream of evangelistic stardom had begun to stall as, one after another, the disinterested denizens of Brighton Beach accepted one of our tracts, gave it a quick glance and dropped it without even breaking stride. The discarded leaflets began to pile up in the trash cans and blow like forsaken tumbleweeds on the streets of this bustling city. “Rather than capturing a city for Christ, we were creating more work for the New York City sanitation workers. By the end of the day, my evangelistic fervor was in a steep death spiral

Welcome to earth, Shayne. I hope you enjoyed your flight.

By the third day, embarrassment had given way to a growing cynicism. We decided to move our team our to the famous boardwalk, where folks would presumably be more jovial, friendly, and open to our efforts.

This was not a good move.

The unrepentant littering continued. One member of our team approached two men who may have been members of the Russian mafia. After treating him to a litany of profanity and threats, on of the men pulled bakc his jacket to reveal a holstered handgun, not so politely inviting our teenager to walk away and not return.

Things were not going as planned.

Disillusioned, I stopped near a bench overlooking the ocean, where an elderly gentleman in a well word fedora sat watching the waves, wooden cane hooked on the backrest. Judging him unlikely to be hiding a gun under his faded green summer jacket, I at down to lick my wounds.

Maniplating People to Receive Jesus

Maniplating People to Receive Jesus

Continue reading

1 Comment

The Pain of Jezebel and the Power of Compassion

Archian - Life, Bacolod, Architecture, Finances & Dubai

The Pain of Jezebel and the Power of Compassion

I have a confession. I have the Jezebel spirit.

Yes. I’m a controller. And I’m not proud of it.

This morning as I walk my way to breakfast, I was worshipping and thanking God. I was so full of joy. Then the Father, came around and smiled. He sat me down and told me, “Ian, you are a Jezebel.”

[more]I answered, “Yeah, how come?”. Then I started reflecting on my life. I check. I reasoned.

It was really so.

Of course, when the Father tells you something bad, it never feels hurtful. It was a soothing fatherly concern. The Father, I assume, has already studied the implications of me learning this truth in my life and decided, “Ian is my son. He is a tiger. He is ready to deal with it.”

What is the Jezebel Spirit?

1 Kings 18:4
“Earlier, when Jezebel had tried to kill off all the prophets of God, Obadiah hid away a hundred of them in two caves, fifty in a cave, then supplied them with food and water.”

Jezebel was a queen in Israel who made his husband, the Israelite king look like a puppet. She was that obsessively controlling and powerful. In this passage we see her killing hundreds of prophets like casually slicing tomatoes on the counter.

There has been many misonceptions about the Jezebel spirit. Our fears has never resolved the problem. Heres the Lies and the Truth:
1. The Jezebel spirit is a psychopath who needs to die in hell. Wrong. The person typically is a good person with very painful past experiences.

The 1 Kings story sounds like Hitler killing the Jews. Yes it is. Is she really a good person? Read on.
2. Jezebel is a woman.


They can be a man or a woman. Wow, now you feel I mixed up the genders too. Read on.
3. Jezebel is a curable condition. There are many ways to heal it.

Having cleared out the generalities, who is a Jezebel?

The Jezebel spirit is a manifestation of an orphan spirit of control, manipulation and witchcraft because of an abuse or abandonment by an authority very early on in childhood.

The abuse or abandonment leads the person to make a vow that “This abuse will never ever happen again.” This vow becomes a wall of the stronghold spirit of Jezebel

To learn more about strongholds, check out the next article about strongholds.

With a nice main house of wrong beliefs built, the person becomes blind to reality and is paranoid about everything. When a lad was raped as a child beside her yellow duck toy. Years later as an adult, she will not work but keep protecting herself from attacks, ducks and everything yellow in color, even when asleep. This saps her energy. She is in the prison of her past.

She starts the brick and concrete construction of structures for controlling situations so that the person will never be hurt again. Unfortunately this positive desire to “not be hurt” is also healthy mechanism to deal with intense hurt designed by the Father. Sadly, it becomes a bondage against her ability to be free.

My Story.
I am what you call a typical christian in a christian home. I grew up in sunday school and bible verses. Nothing unusual with that. During my high school, I was “driven” and full of fear. I was paranoid of everything.

I was afraid to get lost. I was afraid of other people deceiving and stealing from me. I was afraid of authorities: pastors, police, teachers, principals.

Take that 10 years later. I am now a professional. Now consider this, everytime I get a call from a manager to his office, there is an overwhelming panic. I start to make a complete book of reasons that “I am dumb and I am an incompetent idiot.” In my mind, I write a complete novel seeking to understand, “what was my mistake.” The truth is: the manager wants to ask where to go lunch. Call that paranoid but that is how it feels to have the desease. I come to office everyday afraid of what things will go wrong. This is constant in my 20 years of practice. I tell you when you are like this you never get to relax.

I am blessed today to know where it comes from. When I was a baby, I experienced a physical and emotional neglect from my dad.

Let me underline I experienced. It is my own perceptions that poison the good reasons why my dad did what he did. But the situation was also reality.

My dad was the eldest, he is also self employed. As a young boy, he took care of his five siblings. He carried the family the whole time. He made milk for his brothers together with my grandmother. He changed diapers and washed them everyday before and after going to his fourth level elementary school. At lunch, he would go home, cook rice and change diapers again before coming back to class. Today, as a lawyer and accountant, my dad is very successful because he has learned to be competent in taking care of other people. As manager, he works long hours.

Therefore, my dad’s decision to never touch my diapers was a valid one. And his reason was that he had taken care of my aunts and uncles. He wasn’t even entitled to the toys he carved by his hands. As a stepson (by my grandmother, with my remarried grandfather), he too was experiencing being an orphan. That can grow into the gene of Jezebel.

Only now do I understand all my anger against authorities. I see that I am angry that “authorities” (my dad) are perceived to be distancing themselves from being connected to me. My dad on his own part did not deliberately isolate me, he was only thinking of freedom and responsibility. He was responsible for diapers and poop of 5 siblings, therefore he has graduated from taking care of me physically. He chose the freedom not to change diapers and clean poo.

Freedom and Responsibility.
Arthur Burk describes the relationship of freedom and responsibility. Freedom is the autonomy and free will to do what you really want. It is a being, not a doing. It is the ability to stand in dominion over your life. Therefore any peice of control from things, people and situations diminishes that autonomy.

Let me illustrate. A person who can choose to smoke is free. A person who can drink is free. A person who is single is free to date. A person is free to choose not to obey rules.


A person who is smoking is in bondage to smoking. A person who is drinking is in bondage to drinking. A person who is going to church and can’t decide to stop is in bondage to church. A person who can’t keep his sexual urges is in bondage to them. A person who can’t avoid hurting others is in bondage.

What is a person who is in bondage then? A person in bondage is one who has no influence over his situation. He has no choice. Freedom and responsibility has a close relationship.

Mcdonald’s has the freedom to receive my money and my order. Mcdonald’s also has a responsibility to deliver that burger. I as a customer have the freedom to choose where to eat and free to buy a Mcdonald’s cheeseburger meal. I also have the responsibility to pay for it. If Mcdonald’s took my money and my order but did not give me my my cheeseburger, they are totally free to do that. They are also liable to authorities if I take the freedom to report the problem. It is also my freedom to report the incident and I am responsible and free with how I respond whether I report it or not.

Where we miss life.
When we live life as a practice solely of responsibility, we miss the beauty and the colors of freedom. If we are afraid of making mistakes, we limit our freedom to hurt somebody, to learn how to make adjustments, gain wisdom, and enjoy life.

My dad, because of his choice to use his freedom, to not play an active role in my “infanthood” resulted in my orphan spirit and my wrong responses to life now. Today I have full responsibility over my life. Yet because of certain emotional handicaps I am not aware of, I have practically limited freedom to act in areas I am supposedly free to do.

An example is a rape victim. After the incident, the person continues to have full freedom to pursue healthy relationships. But because of trauma she is limited emotionally to pursue healthy relationships unless she unlearns the lies she learned.

Causes of Jezebel Spirit.
In homes, there are many ways children can be hurt. Children can be manipulated to work (take part of the responsibility away from the parents) to provide resources to the family. Making children work from a young age is healthy. But making them take more responsibility than they can handle can be emotional abuse on their young emotions.

Children who suffer violence from authority – parents, teachers and guardians become broken.

Children who were molested, raped or deceived by authorities have a high chance of having a Jezebel spirit.

Children who are kidnapped, held up, offered to satanism, brainwashed in communism or Islamic extremism, ritual offering abuse or hypnotized can also experience devastation.

Men and women with unstable emotions who experience a painful past are prone. They develop self protection “I will never allow myself to be hurt again.” That is the seed for the Jezebel spirit in action. Build a few brick per day and we have a castle in a few years.

The children who experienced deep pain and abuse from authority typically respond in two ways, the Jezebel spirit or the Ahab Spirit.

The Ahab spirit comes from the description of King Ahab in Israel. He was king, but it was his controlling wife who was taking charge of the kingdom. Violence can frighten a manor woman’s spirit so that he becomes handicapped: unable to take healthy risks and losses.

That is my experience. Because of an orphan spirit, it takes more effort to make risks and choices that will allow me to learn. I shortcircuit my learning so that I only make “safe” choices. I am certainly not happy about it.

A century ago an evil dictator was born. It is not clear how he was hurt, but the hurt was evident when he came to power.

The spirit of Jezebel is present in all of us but it becomes evident when a person gains authority and power. The dictator vented his anger on peole who he think hurt him when perhaps only one did.

At the end of World War II, the world still has not learned its lesson. We put effort in in protecting ourselves from extremists and terrorists instead of taking positive action to prevent “orphaned spirit” into spreading enough that statistically one of them comes to power.

A century ago, many orphaned peacekeepers (political leaders of France, US and England) had the Ahab spirit. They didn’t act at a crucial time against Germany because they were afraid of taking expensive risks. What happened was an unrestrained exercise by Adolf Hitler to invade all of Europe while the allied powers remained paralyzed to step in and say, I have moral authority. We care for you but this is as far as you can go.

The experience of freedom is not measured by the money you have, your level of success or power, or your abundance of knowledge. If you need to be a lawyer or doctor to be a worthy person, that can be measured as negative 50 units of freedom. If you need to kill people to prove your value, that is probably a negative 70 units of freedom. We all have areas of bondage or negative freedom to some extent, especially if we measure our worth by these metrics. Cute or not we are all our own little Jezebels or Ahabs in different areas of our lives.

Now that we know what insecurity looks like, what does freedom feels like? Do you know it can be measured too?

If insecurity can be measured by the amount of dependence on money, power, success and knowledge, what is the measure for freedom?

Freedom is measured by the ability you can receive love from the Father and the ability to receive and give love to other people. This is the foundation of security. This is what you call perfection.

Imagine for a moment a recession. Imagine that while the world suffers fear of failure and loss, you are free. You are not dependent on the economy as your source. You are aware that the Father takes care of you even in desperate situations.

This does not mean that bad or painful things don’t happen. It does. It only means that in spite of situations you have full freedom.

You are free to enjoy life with or without money. You have freedom to accept you are in a recession. If you need to give up your car, you can do so without emotional baggage.

That is just 30 units of freedom. If you can celebrate while giving to those in need, that is higher authority. that is probably 60 units of freedom.

If that counts as 60 units, what counts as a hundred?

It is deliberately giving your life for people who are Jezebels, Ahabs and cowards. Jesus was the first person to love completely and committed suicide. He chose to die, out of love. Now that’s Jesus, you are not God. As God, He was free to give all. Like Him, you can increase freedom Too.

There was a group discussion last night about the definition of freedom. I gave an answer that is not actually mine. I learned it from Arthur Burke. He said that “Freedom is when there is nothing left to lose.”

Leave a comment

Personal Coaching Consultation

Archian - Life, Bacolod, Architecture, Finances & Dubai

Personal Coaching Consultation Continue reading

Leave a comment

Playing not to Lose vs Dominating your Game

Archian - Life, Bacolod, Architecture, Finances & Dubai

Dominating the Game of Life

Life is like basketball.

The team that only “doesn’t want to lose” is gonna be pitiful.

You always play to win.

Playing to win means dominating in every pass, every dribble and every shoot.

In life, playing not to lose is like becoming a better person. Just not losing, not going to hell.

Holiness is good and pleases God. But sinning less so that you can have smaller debt to God is crazy. Do you know Jesus didn’t pay exact price for you? He paid way exorbitant fees so that you can be sure that He paid in full. He even gave a receipt – He defeated death.

He paid way over and told devil, “Keep the change, this guys mine now.” He did it for 3 reasons, because He wants you to know:

1. How valuable you are.
2. That its useless to pay for additional fees which devil has the freedom to embezzle you for
3. That you also have to do the same: dont try for passing grade to heaven but totally dominate and be the most powerful you, there has ever been.

Playing Life to Win – Dominating every aspect of your Game

Its time to go and Dominate your Life, champ. There’s no one else that can play life for you!