Archian Speaks in Bacolod, Iloilo and Life

One Crazy Dude blabbers on Life, Architecture and Business

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The Law produces 2 types of people:
1. Condemned – those who focus on their own sins
2. Self-righteous – those who focus on the sins of others

Grace produces 1 type of person:
1. Humble – those who are focused on Jesus!

#finished work of Jesus

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How to Graduate from Perfectionism

Archian - Life, Bacolod, Architecture, Finances & Dubai

How to Graduate from Perfectionism

Peter Parker said “With great gift comes great responsibility.” This can be truer for perfectionists like me. Unfortunately, talent doesn’t matter for perfectionists. It’s all responsibility. The talent (something you value) now becomes a curse that you can’t stop.

How did the World get Mixed up This Way?

You see, we were born for freedom and we yearn for it. Not just many people, all people!

Now there are some truths that are really a big deception. Perfectionism, is an over reaction to some shame, guilt, fear and rejection we experience in the past. Our response is to do something exceptionally well to compensate. And yearn to be free.

How do you Stop Perfectionism?

This is a good question. But rather than answering, let me ask a simpler question: “How do you graduate from Right or Wrong thinking?” You see, perfectionism, if you are clear now to see it as it is, and have a desire to break free from it, is Right or Wrong thinking. A few years back I felt trapped and obsessed on how people are really “good” or “bad”. I have deep fears about being financially deceived by people and I can’t let go unless I could be certain that they are “good” or “bad”. The reality my friend is that no one is completely right or wrong we are always discovering about who we are and what we want. We will never settle how “bad” a person is no matter how painful what they have done in the past.

So “How do you stop from Right or Wrong thinking?”
The logical answer is to do some things that are Right, and do some things that are Wrong. But reason will not be enough to be set free. It’s the Way of Thinking that is holding us. It is the thinking or control in thinking that we can define another person. The truth is we can not know everything.

Instead of defining reality, we can accept people, things and reality as it is. This way of thinking is expansive. It is willing to learn. Instead of labelling people, things and circumstances, (worse I defined myself as a failure) we can hold the judgement and accept that we are just making assumptions. Therefore we are willing to be wrong. That’s why it feels brave. It keeps asking questions to learn and keep on learning.

So “How do you graduate from Right or Wrong thinking?”
Answer: We never graduate. We keep making choices, try to learn to make things better, fall down, pick ourselves up and try again.

We do some things that we feel are Right, and do some things that we feel are Wrong. And we live according to whats true to us. This is graduation.

Well, how about maturity? Well that’s easy. God never expects us to be perfect, the way you define “perfect”.

Maturity is . . . . doing some things that you feel are Right, doing some things that you feel are Wrong.
But live according to whats true to you.
Then just be aware of what God wants for you and what God is doing in other people. 😉 That takes you way farther than you know!

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Maturing in Attraction

Archian - Life, Bacolod, Architecture, Finances & Dubai

Maturing in Attraction

INTJs are unique creatures, just ask me. Having an INTJ personality gives me a weak understanding of emotions. That’s why relationship seems to be the challenge for me. Read about INTJs from or find out your personality and romantic solutions! Nevertheless, INTJs are the most loyal people you will find. Your challenge with them is actually how to hook them. 😊

I’m just elated to see how my declarations changed regarding improving friendships with girls I seem to like. I am posting this to open more awareness of guys who are INTJs or in a bad emotional situation in relationships.

The old declaration is “I am already complete! When I find a pretty girl I say “I like you, so what”! Only I can complete me.” First of all you wouldnt want to see my previous declarations. It’s simply embarrassing how insecure I was. But I’m still me.

From above, you can see it is still in the self-conscious-I-dont-know-how-to-deal-with-this frame. This is because my reality is I am pushing my emotions back to submission like any good intj. This feels like a very hung-up kind of guy. Hehehe. But it’s on target to the truth of knowing he is already complete.

What I Want

I am aware that I want to stop resisting emotional attraction and let it flow more freely. I also want to be so secure I dont have “to say no” to ladies I’m not pursuing, which is still fear. Instead I want to be so confident what I dont want just doesn’t register.

Instead I want to flow from the abundance of who I am and what God wants me to be that I lack no good thing in my life. And the interesting ladies I meet would have to shake up this fulness and make me want to share my life with them.

Today my declaration is: “When I’m attracted to a pretty lady I will honor what God is doing in my life and honor what He is doing in her life.”

This reframe shows a higher perspective. There’s no more trying to do anything or find that girl. When she is ready, she will come into my life. That comes from trust and not fear.

Face it guys, there are a billion girls in this planet. It’s not saying yes to the right one that will be your problem – its saying no to those that shouldn’t be in your life. And I’m not talking about . . . , I’m talking about the nice ones that you just know were not for you but it was easier ro have someones hand on valentines day because your heart felt so empty and you feel so horny. Hehehe. Hugot.

Thats why its important to recognize your intuition. And being honest to yourself will give you the strength to honor and receive what is for you the same way to say no to what is not for you.

When you say yes to someone who’s not for you makes it hard to say yes to the one that is right. Why? You already married because she got pregnant. That was a joke but it could be true. Honoring changes the perspective and brings clarity to your decisions.

This time I start to be ok feeling attracted and start asking the Holy Spirit what He is doing – finally know if my name is written in her life. 🙂

I’m still not looking for a lifetime partner. But now I know how to deal with emotions! It’s time to live it.