It has been a long time since I wrote my personal constitution back in 2002. Read it here. So much has changed and I’m incredibly thankful to God for showing me a lot more of who I am.
The Changes
Twenty years ago, so much of me is confused, angry and ashamed. I was trying to ‘manage’ myself. So in my constitution, I identified the major relationships in my life: God, family,
A few years back, I used to have a fixed mindset. This mindset is a belief that I could either be great or not and that I couldn’t change that. I had this thing about feeling pity for losers all the time. Now I know why I do.Before, I had a belief that “I am already an expert or not”. It was a limiting belief. When Pacquiao or any fighter lost, it defined me.
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Peter Parker said “With great gift comes great responsibility.” This can be truer for perfectionists like me. Unfortunately, talent doesn’t matter for perfectionists. It’s all responsibility. The talent (something you value) now becomes a curse that you can’t stop.
You see, we were born for freedom and we yearn for it. Not just many people, all people!
Now there are some truths that are really a big deception. Perfectionism, is an over reaction to some shame, guilt, fear and rejection we experience in the past. Our response is to do something exceptionally well to compensate. And yearn to be free.
This is a good question. But rather than answering, let me ask a simpler question: “How do you graduate from Right or Wrong thinking?” You see, perfectionism, if you are clear now to see it as it is, and have a desire to break free from it, is Right or Wrong thinking. A few years back I felt trapped and obsessed on how people are really “good” or “bad”. I have deep fears about being financially deceived by people and I can’t let go unless I could be certain that they are “good” or “bad”. The reality my friend is that no one is completely right or wrong we are always discovering about who we are and what we want. We will never settle how “bad” a person is no matter how painful what they have done in the past.
So “How do you stop from Right or Wrong thinking?”
The logical answer is to do some things that are Right, and do some things that are Wrong. But reason will not be enough to be set free. It’s the Way of Thinking that is holding us. It is the thinking or control in thinking that we can define another person. The truth is we can not know everything.
Instead of defining reality, we can accept people, things and reality as it is. This way of thinking is expansive. It is willing to learn. Instead of labelling people, things and circumstances, (worse I defined myself as a failure) we can hold the judgement and accept that we are just making assumptions. Therefore we are willing to be wrong. That’s why it feels brave. It keeps asking questions to learn and keep on learning.
So “How do you graduate from Right or Wrong thinking?”
Answer: We never graduate. We keep making choices, try to learn to make things better, fall down, pick ourselves up and try again.
We do some things that we feel are Right, and do some things that we feel are Wrong. And we live according to whats true to us. This is graduation.
Well, how about maturity? Well that’s easy. God never expects us to be perfect, the way you define “perfect”.
Maturity is . . . . doing some things that you feel are Right, doing some things that you feel are Wrong.
But live according to whats true to you.
Then just be aware of what God wants for you and what God is doing in other people. 😉 That takes you way farther than you know!
