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How I found my Way to Meditation


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The “Evil” of Meditation

I was not a believer of Meditation. I am a Christian. And there is a reason I avoid it.

It started out as a short conversation on philosophy and a short counsel from a well meaning sister in Church: “You should avoid transcendental meditation and eastern meditation.” Those words resounded with me. I also read them (the 2 meditation above) on the list of things that can get you into demon possession (which include in the list: participating in religious rituals, premarital sex and spirit of the glass/board). God is angered when we honor other gods before him. Connect that to scripture that says that “when demons leave and come back, they invite 10 more with them”. So I decided it is altogether fine to avoid all forms of meditation, the same way I decided long ago not to go through the fuss of having a girlfriend?!?

Buddhist Mindfulness Meditation

Buddhist Mindfulness Meditation

The Blame and Guilt.

I was doing great at work but I was struggling to make life work. I was hard to please and didn’t get satisfied no matter how beautiful the place, the gifts, the experience. I was having lots of guilt. I am angry deep inside but yearn to look good and positive as a Christian. I was measuring life to its ideal and the emotional baggage got heavy. Well, there’s no other person who could be cruel than you.

To yourself.

Can you imagine going to worships where everyone’s rolling over laughing in the Spirit for an hour. I got about 10 guys got demons cast out from them, including homosexuals vomiting all kinds of green colored fluid for physical manifestation. But why wasn’t any demon cast out of me? But I knew there was something there. And getting religiously mystical made it worse. It spooked a lot of devil-hunting and paranoia. So I decided I was just crazy. . . but again. . . .

I blame myself for things I was not. For not being good enough. For not giving enough. For not evangelizing enough. For not praying. And every person was a competition.

Anger and Guilt

Anger and Guilt

I got desperate.

If this is what life is, something is fundamentally wrong. It is not enough to go to a few worship meetings and read the bible more to get the change I want. I believe I needed a paradigm shift that would totally change my perspective in life. And so I listen hard to what God is speaking.

Guilt and condemnation

Guilt and condemnation

Applying Self Compassion

Applying Self Compassion

The Tunnel with the Light.

Of all coincidence, the tunnel had to be challenging. That tunnel is a coaching community, but in a twist of faith, its an exercise of humility to learn from people, most of them, themselves homosexuals. But the need to find my answers was deeper than my homo-phobia. I remember the scene in Kungfu Panda where the panda opens the magic scroll.

Finally.

And see

It is empty.

It was there I learned what I knew all the time. The answer to life’s difficult problems is simple: Listening to myself breathing.

Slow down. Take the time to rest. Feel sadness happiness, calm. To smell the roses.

To love. To live.

Ian Jay Bantilan at the Dome of the Rock, Israel

Ian Jay Bantilan at the Dome of the Rock, Israel

Clarification:

I am not saying that all non-Christian meditation is ok or do not have spiritual connection. There are meditations that can give you a doorway to demon possession. But I know that my Father knows what you need before I ask Him. And it is this trust, though in my weak way, finally led me to find help that I need.

Thank you God for the simplicity of slowing down. Less of fear, anger, guilt and shame. Live life for real.

Thank you also for those who seek and found what they were looking for in their journey through LEAP69. 🙂 🙂

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